writing fiction is hard

I really struggle with writing fiction. A lot actually. Most of my ideas are just themes, or the few story ideas that I did pursue no longer feel right to write more than the initial rough draft that I didn't even completely finish.


One story in particular, was to be an erotic coming of age story that was sort of based on my own experiences in my early twenties that honestly was not that long ago. The problem is that is something I no longer have interest in exploring. That relationship was with a narcissist and I don't want to give her more attention. Also being in no contact whatsoever for the last 2+ years has done wonders to not only my self-esteem, self-love, my marriage, etc. Not to say that I still don't have my issues about the whole relationship. One of the many things that I am working through in therapy. Dating a narcissist possibly a sociopath, who's game was not only cheating, but emotional and mental abuse and gas-lighting and other forms of mind fuckery. I wasted four years of my life in that relationship- both romantic and an attempt at friendship, and who knows how long it will take to fully process everything. *sighs* So I really don't want to write the story anymore. I have poetry for that, and deciding which poems to publish eventually is already hard enough. Where is the line between giving a narcissist indirect attention and expressing the experience? There is no obvious answer, I currently believe. Maybe one day I will be able to come to this narrative in fiction, but with a totally different angle. I don't know, all I know is that it's not right now.


My other fiction idea that I have been thinking of more heavily pursuing has been a serial killer horror story. My twist on it though is the narrative being heavily from the victims' perspective. So far what I've written has been vignettes with not a lot of connections to one another, but who knows, maybe it will one day work with more effort and A LOT of editing.


At least I still have my poetry. ^___^